The Masculinity Project

1. Video: Why I’m Done Trying to be “Man Enough”
Justin Baldoni, TEDWomen

Background

Justin Baldoni wants to start a dialogue with men about redefining masculinity—to figure out ways to be not just good men but good humans. In this talk, he shares his effort to reconcile who he is with who the world tells him a man should be.

Things to Ponder Pre-Watch

• Justin talks about following a script passed down from generation to generation: where does this script come from? Who wrote it? What does your script look like?
• How does society’s definition of masculinity affect individual men? What about women? What about people outside the gender binary?
• Justin talks about how the content he posted on Instagram received different reactions from men and women. Why do you think that is?
• Justin shares the Bahá’í saying “the world of humanity is possessed of two wings, the male and the female. So long as these two wings are not equivalent in strength, the bird will not fly.” How do you interpret this saying?

Discussion Questions Post-Watch

• Did any parts of this video resonate with you? If so, which parts and why?
• Justin offered several anecdotes about how it can be hard to open up to others about serious topics. In particular, it took him 3 days to speak to his friends about an issue in his life. Why do you think that is?
• When it comes to talking about serious topics, do you have anyone in your life that you can be vulnerable with? If so, how did this relationship develop?
• Does Justin’s role as a famous actor change the impact of the message he is sharing? Why or why not?
• What critiques do you have for this video?
• What is your one big takeaway from this video and discussion?

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2. Video: Men Are Socialized to “Act Inhumanely”
Nicolas Pollock & Thomas Page McBee, The Atlantic

Background

Thomas Page McBee, having transitioned at the age of 30, was able to experience socialization into society as a man much later into his life than many others. McBee discusses the privileges that he gained and lost during this period of his life.

Things to Ponder Pre-Watch

• What are some differences in the ways that young boys and men are socialized as opposed to people of other genders?
• At what age does society expect a boy to become a man?
• Thomas is a man who transitioned at the age of 30. How could his experience have differed if he were socialized as a man, what he describes as “gaining privilege but losing connection”, earlier or later in his life?

Discussion Questions Post-Watch

• Did any parts of this video resonate with you? If so, which parts and why?
• Thomas discusses losing the behaviors of vulnerability, empathy, and compassion, and he says that this is the reason that some men begin to behave “inhumanely”. What are some of the societal repercussions of men not being allowed to show these behaviors?
• Now that you’ve listened to some of the privileges that Thomas now experiences as a man, can you identify any societal privileges that you have? Any disadvantages?
• Thomas highlights the important issue of facilitative behaviors, or the smaller harmful behaviors that go unchecked in society, that allow larger and more damaging behaviors to occur. What are ways that we can begin to reduce the occurrence of facilitative behaviors in a way that alleviates the presence of larger cultural issues?

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3. Video: What is Female Masculinity?
BuzzFeedYellow

Background

Women, nonbinary, and gender-neutral folks discuss what it means for them to be masculine. As masculinity is a term that is often associated with one gender, we must center the experiences of others.

Things to Ponder Pre-Watch

• A quote from this video is, “Masculinity goes beyond aesthetic”. What traits do you typically associate with masculinity? Are all of the traits that you came up with attributed to gender?
• Have you ever heard of the term “female masculinity”? How would you define this? How do you think it differentiates from male masculinity?
• We know that gender and sexual identity exist on a spectrum, allowing individuals to exist as their most authentic and true selves. Do you think that masculinity and femininity manifest the same way for all individuals no matter how they identify?

Discussion Questions Post-Watch

• Did any parts of this video resonate with you? If so, which parts and why?
• How can have lived through experiences as a woman offer an understanding of the differences between male and female masculinity?
• Some speakers in the video discuss the difficulty with labeling aspects of their identity. Can you think of any reasons why it may be difficult to place a label on fluid aspects of your identity?
• How do the pressures of society’s expectations for masculinity shape our assumptions about how a man should physically, mentally, and emotionally appear? What automatic assumptions do you make about people based on how masculine they appear?

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4. Video: Journey Through Trans Masculinity
BuzzFeed Yellow

Background

Trans individuals discuss their experience with masculinity, the challenges, and the beauty that they have experienced. Masculinity is energy that ebbs and flows, and a journey through trans masculinity is “not a phase, it’s not weird, it just is what it is.”

Things to Ponder Pre-Watch

• If you identify as a man, how would you respond to the question, “How am I a man?”
• What social consequences can people experience if they venture away from the standards that society says they should uphold?
• To ebb and flow is to change from higher to lower levels over a course of time. If masculinity and femininity can be fluid in this way, then why do you think society’s expectations are so rigid?

Discussion Questions Post-Watch

• Did any parts of this video resonate with you? If so, which parts and why?
• Certain hobbies such as playing with a toy shaving kit or boxing were cited as some signs of masculinity that were present at a young age. How much of masculinity is just an idea rather than a natural innate state? Can we truly look to these behaviors as indicators of how masculine someone is?
• What can we do to encourage young people that they have the freedom to venture away from the “rigid gender scripts” that they’ve been given? How can we begin to dismantle the harmful stereotypes and expectations that exist for men, women, and nonbinary folks?
• Think of a personal experience that you have had in which you or someone you know was ridiculed or called out for not conforming to a “masculine” gender norm. Reflect on how this has personally affected you or imagine how someone else may have been impacted for simply acting in a way that is natural to you/them. If you could relive the situation, what would you do differently?

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5. Article and Audio: In Changing America, Gay Masculinity Has ‘Many Different Shades
Luke Runyon, NPR

Background

Luke Runyon interviews several players from The Colorado Rush, a gay rugby team in Denver, to discuss what masculinity means for them and how being gay is not the sole aspect of their identity.

Things to Ponder Pre-Read

• How have cultural attitudes shifted around the definitions of masculinity and femininity over the last decade? What do these words mean to you now?
• The Colorado Rush players speak a lot about how being gay just happens to be one aspect of their identity. How can someone’s environment or upbringing shift how they understand what it means to be gay?
• One of the players will explain how he understood his sexuality as a gay man before his gender was very clear to him. Do you feel that you have a clear understanding of the difference between gender and sexuality?

Discussion Questions Post-Read

• Did any parts of this article resonate with you? If so, which parts and why?
• Although mainstream attitudes have changed in many regions across the country, homophobia and violence continue to exist for gay men.
• What do you think player Fabio Castro meant when he said there are “different types and shades of masculinity”?
• In sports, men are often compared to one another based on their physical size and appearances. In the video, Jeremy Ballard says, “What makes or breaks a rugby player is their attitude… It’s all in your head and what kind of attitude you bring to the pitch”, in response to what it means to be masculine. If masculinity is an attitude that can be adopted on the field, would you say this applies to women’s sports as well?

1. Video: What Is Masculinity?
That’s What He Said, SoulPancake

Background

Men from various backgrounds discuss with one another what it means to be a man, as well as when in their lives they felt like they became a man. Some of them have questioned their identity as a man several times throughout their life, and it was because of the expectations and societal pressures put on them.

Things to Ponder Pre-Watch

• Where did your definition of masculinity come from?
• Where do feelings of shame come from when men express their emotions with other men, friends, or family?
• What does it look like to support a man through a vulnerable experience or moments of weakness? Would your answer change for a woman?

Discussion Questions Post-Watch

• Did any parts of this video resonate with you? If so, which parts and why?
• The video discusses that there is no specific “rite of passage” or a defining moment when a boy becomes a man. Do you agree or disagree? Do you believe that a defining moment is necessary? How could this be exclusionary?
• What are some negative effects that can stem from society’s expectation of men to simply “move on” from any hardships that they are experiencing? How can this impact not on the individual but others in the community?
• If what it means to be masculine continues to be defined by society and not ourselves, what will this mean for people who are unable to conform to the norm? For example, just over one-fourth of the population of adults in the U.S. is living with some type of disability. How can ableist expectations of masculinity impact this community? Are there any other communities that you can think of that may be disproportionately impacted by harmful social norms?

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2. Article and Audio: Amid Kavanaugh Allegations, Rethinking The Common Refrain ‘Boys Will Be Boys’
Robin Young & Cliff Leek, WBUR

Background

Robin Young interviews Northern Colorado sociology professor Cliff Leek about masculinity and the expectations placed on boys. They discuss why certain phrases such as “boys will be boys” are harmful to not only men but others in the community as well because the statements remove blame from perpetrators of problematic behaviors.

Things to Ponder Pre-Read

• A key component to preventing instances of abuse and sexual assault is to remove the societal systems in place that exist to protect perpetrators of these crimes. How do you think the saying “boys will be boys” contribute to the perpetuation of harmful ideas and behaviors? What does this statement say about men? What does it say to women?
• Define brotherhood. After solidifying your definition, reflect and ask yourself if your idea of brotherhood is at the expense of other people?
• What are the effects of using the language “everybody engages in it”, “everyone has gotten wild back in college”, “everyone drinks”, and other blanket statements such as these? Why does language such as this even exist?

Discussion Questions Post-Read

• Did any parts of this article resonate with you? If so, which parts and why?
• Cliff Leek brought up the important term “bystander”. What does it mean to be a bystander? What does it look like to be an active versus a passive bystander, and how can men use this role to challenge ideas?
• Brainstorm some ways that you or your organization can actively work toward being active bystanders. How can you begin to address harmful and problematic behavior as it’s happening, or even after it has already occurred?
• Judge Kavanaugh went to an elite, private all-male high school. How does privilege play a role in how boys and men are held accountable in society? Does dismissive language like “boys will be boys” apply to all men? Who gets to benefit?

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3. Article: Men Aren’t Monstrous, But Masculinity Can Be
Tyler Zimmer, Slate

Background

Tyler Zimmer discusses the discrepancies that exist in society toward the treatment of men and women. Women are more likely to be accosted, catcalled, and treated as “second-class citizens” with less power than men. This leads to the dangerous manifestation of the social norm that is degrading women socially, in ways that hardly occur to men.

Things to Ponder Pre-Read

• What about femininity causes it to be equated to being “weak, passive, and fit to be dominated by other men?
• Can you recall a time that you were called out for “breaking” masculinity rules, either positively or negatively?
• How does masculinity contribute to misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia?

Discussion Questions Post-Read

• Did any parts of this video resonate with you? If so, which parts and why?
• Tyler offers his example of getting catcalled by another man, by mistake, because that man thought he was a woman. The misunderstanding was followed by a series of apologies, an act that would not have occurred had Tyler been a woman. How can this double standard of treatment negatively affect women?
• Tyler writes that “masculinity is founded on the myth that men alone are rights-bearing persons and women are subordinate passive second-class beings”. Do you agree with this? What is some recent evidence that you’ve seen lately in person or in the news that would support this statement?
• Tyler considers that some people attribute the occurrences of sexual assault and gender violence to “brutal sexual desires he needed to better repress” when in reality the issue is society’s understanding of masculinity and the way it allows for men to disregard “anyone that presents as feminine” as worthy of equal respect. What are your thoughts on this?
• What can be done to shift our culture to one that does not allow forms of harassment, such as catcalling, to be written off as a casual occurrence?

1. Article and Audio: Speaking of Psychology – How Masculinity Can Hurt Mental Health
Audrey Hamilton & Wizdom Powell, APA

Background

The quality of healthcare received by boys and men in minority communities remains to be sub-par, especially within the low-income community. Check out this resource to learn more about how harmful gender expectations worsens the mental health of boys and men of color.

Things to Ponder Pre-Read

• How could society’s understanding of masculinity affect the mental health of people who may not fall into those rigid boxes of expectations?
• What behaviors do you take part in to regulate your emotions?
• Why might men have fewer feelings of trust and comfortability than women toward the healthcare system?
• Why might communities of color have fewer feelings of trust and comfortability than white people toward the health care system?

Discussion Questions Post-Read

• Did any parts of this article resonate with you? If so, which parts and why?
• After listening to the examples offered by Dr. Powell, what are some ways that the mental health of boys and men of color can be negatively exacerbated by socioeconomic status? How about the gender roles in their community?
• Powell highlights the negative history that black men have with the U.S. healthcare system and the racial discrimination that they experience every day. How does this discrimination affect mental health? How does Dr. Powell connect this to masculinity?
• Can you think of other ways that masculine social norms have led to unhealthy mental health practices among men?

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2. Article: Toxic Masculinity Is Killing Men – The Roots of Male Trauma
Kali Holloway, Salon

Background

Kali Holloway, senior director of Make It Right, explains the different social behaviors that are expected from men and women. Because men are not socialized in a way that promotes emotional expression and the allowance to feel sad or “wounded”, they often retreat and suffer through issues alone. This leads to damaging psychological effects.

Things to Ponder Pre-Read

• Are there any traits of masculinity that you are aware of that you believe are unattainable?
• Do you feel that your emotions not being validated in the past has led you to internalize most of what you are dealing with in the present?
• Are you an internal processor or do you process by “acting it out” externally?

Discussion Questions Post-Read

• Did any parts of this article resonate with you? If so, which parts and why?
• Kali writes that research suggests young boys “begin to hide their feelings from as young as 3 to 5 years old”. Imagine a world in which everyone feels comfortable being emotionally vulnerable. What do you think would change? What would remain the same?
• Kali gives several examples of the psychological effects of masculinity standards such as increased levels of depression, drug, and alcohol addiction. How can we move toward a healthier society, for people of all genders, that prioritizes the physical and mental health of our community? What can you do in your campus involvement to highlight these concerns?
• What patterns does Kali identify within the way infants and young children are socialized into society? How does this manifest later into masculine gender roles?

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3. Article and Audio: Today’s Problem With Masculinity Isn’t What You Think
Benjamin Sledge, Human Parts

Background

Former soldier Benjamin Sledge writes about the negative effects being experienced by what he calls “the fatherless generation”. The impact that society’s understanding of masculinity has shifted men away from emotions that they are born innately with—fear, sadness, love, compassion, etc.—causing a ripple effect amongst men.

Things to Ponder Pre-Read

• As you understand it now, what is an “alpha male”?
• How do you express your emotions—such as fear, sadness, anger, pain, and loneliness—to the people in your life? Does it differ between your friends, your parents, or any other social groups that you’re in?
• Benjamin noticed that in what he calls a “fatherless generation,” dads either aren’t in the picture or don’t engage with emotional intimacy and vulnerability with their sons. Reflect on this, and consider: who taught you what masculinity was?

Discussion Questions Post-Read

• Did any parts of this article resonate with you? If so, which parts and why?
• Benjamin highlights a study conducted by the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine that attributes the single cause of mental illness, hypertension, malignant tumors, coronary heart disease, and suicide to “a lack of closeness to the parents, especially the father”. Why do you think it is so crucial for children, especially boys and men, to have a father figure in their lives that is present and emotionally available?
• Were there any parts of this article that you did not agree with or wish to explore more? What exactly?
• How can you encourage intimacy and promote the expression of vulnerable emotions throughout your family and friend circles? How could you translate this to a professional setting?